I was reading the past few emails which I sent to Jason when we just started.
The heart wrenching thing is not the memories, not the times that we shared, not the precious feelings of just starting a relationship. It is the knot that has always been there.
With or without Ronald, with or without 'him'...This never change.

I read a few of the emails and realised that this issue has been brought out again & again.
Coming 5 years into the relationship, I know this is a joke that it is still a problem.

Jason...I am so sorry for all these. What do I do to make you feel better and what do I do to make you understand that I am not deserving at all?
I know the word jerk is just an understatement for me.

In my first few mails…I always ask…..
What if I cant love you….
What
if it’s a mistake of mine…
What if I have fallen for another…
What are you
gonna do with us…..

You always never gives up…..
Zhuangwen…our
fourth month is coming …im so sorry that this has to happen before it comes….but
perhaps a good time for us to think if we wanna carry on with
it.

Im so sorry that im always letting you to decide…coz im
scared….
Scare that its unfair for me just to decide…
Scare that I made
the wrong choice with us….
Scare that what I have decided to do will hurt you
most…